407 at 3:29

So despite promising myself earlier today (and yesterday, and last week) that I need to get on a better schedule, I'm up posting this at 3:29 am. Last night I actually had a dream which involved getting to work late, people stealing my desk (which actually does happen a lot, but this was more severe), and then realizing I was in some pretty awkward pajamas and not work clothes. And then I woke up, waaay after my alarm had started going off.

I actually did turn off my computer earlier (before 1) tonight in an effort to get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour, but I turned it back on because I was really frustrated with blood sugar issues, so I wanted to settle down (and break me off a little piece of that diabetes OC to help) before I try to go to sleep. Basically: after working out tonight, I'm 97. I don't eat anything, I go grocery shopping (which usually drops me), and 3 hours later, I'm 397. Wash hands, repeat: 382. Yup. My site doesn't hurt, no visible blood or loose tape, and isn't due to be changed until tomorrow afternoon (I try to change it every 2 1/2 days or less). When I took it out, there was blood in the cannula - but I had no way of knowing the site was bad until my blood sugars went nuts (and for a second, I felt guilty for not having tested for 3 hours, and then I realized that is ridiculous). I gave myself a shot, fairly aggressive but not super aggressive because it's near bedtime, and 2 hours later I haven't budged - I'm 407. Don't want to give myself a lot more insulin since it's still bedtime and sometimes my body reacts really late to insulin and I bottom out, but probably I need more before I go to sleep.

I know sites fail occasionally, but I just am frustrated and worried cuz it's happening all the time, again (this happened to me last winter/spring, I took a pumping break and tried some new sites). It seems like my pump isn't dependable anymore again. Or I don't even know. I have been in the 300s routinely in the last few weeks, despite not being sick, testing 12+ times a day, and not drinking much at holiday festivities. I started paying less attention because I was exhausted/burned out from paying so much attention and having things still not work out. Sometimes I am eating crappy or underbolusing or needing an adjustment in my insulin rates because I've been exercising less, but I don't even know how to sort out what's what, changes I need to make or bad sites any more. Between not trusting my pump and being burned out, I sometimes can't figure it out or just don't have the energy to. You know it's bad when you're going through ketone strips like crazy just to try to figure out if your pump is working... (hey, at least walgreens started making the generic ones now!)